Spaceman

I ended up watching Spaceman on the recommendation of a friend of mine.  Since I quite enjoyed the last movie he suggested (Six-String Samurai, which I may or may not end up writing about sometime in the future), I figured I'd add this one to the Netflix queue as well.

Written, directed, and produced by Scott Dikkers (former editor-in-chief of The Onion), Spaceman is about a man who was abducted by aliens when he was a young boy and returns to Earth twenty-five years later trained to kill and follow orders.  Spaceman has trouble adjusting to life back on Earth and tries to get a job with the FBI and then the army with no success.  He eventually winds up working for a supermarket until he attacks a shoplifter.  Eventually, Spaceman ends up trying to get a job for the Mob.  There's also a romance subplot between Spaceman and his neighbor, Sue.

Ok, so this movie is terrible.  I think it had a budget of about $20, it seemed like every bit of dialog was recorded after the filming and dubbed in rather haphazardly, the picture quality was pretty atrocious (especially on an HDTV), and the acting was... not that great for the most part.  HOWEVER: It was incredibly entertaining!  Spaceman gets into all sorts of poorly choreographed fights that are kind of hilarious.  I think the best was when he blinded a guy using two forks and it looked like the "blood" was actually barbecue sauce.  We are also treated to a cleaning/home improvement montage that includes Spaceman going to the library to research some home improvement ideas.  Any book that promotes library usage is OK in my book!

Bottom line: if you like campy movies, give Spaceman a shot.  Just make sure your expectations are set less "Citizen Kane" on the movie-greatness scale, and more "Plan 9 From Outer Space".  Have any suggestions for other movies I should try?

Bastion

I mentioned last time that I got the latest Humble Indie Bundle and Psychonauts certainly wasn't the only game in the bundle.  Another one of the many games that I got is Bastion, the first game from developer Supergiant Games.

Bastion is an action role-playing game in which your character, known only as "The Kid", awakens after "The Calamity", an event which has destroyed the world, Caelondia.  He makes his way to the Bastion, the place where people were supposed to gather if there was trouble.  As the Kid wanders around, the ground forms paths to follow and a voice narrates all of his actions.  Eventually he makes it to the Bastion, which is also in ruins, and meets another survivor, Rucks, who also happens to be the narrator.  Rucks tell the Kid that he needs to travel to different parts of Caelondia and collect the cores that power it to repair the Bastion which can somehow repair what the Calamity has done to Caelondia.  During his journey, the Kid finds two more survivors and learns about how the Calamity came to have happened.

Taking on some Squirts

Bastion is a pretty neat game and a lot of fun to play.  The story is engaging and the way it unfolds, mostly via the narration that goes on during the regular gameplay, keeps the action moving forward.  The gameplay is pretty simple and linear, but you've got enough options with weapons and buffs to keep things interesting.  Bastion is also fairly short, which keeps the story from getting bogged down and boring, though there are enough optional things to explore as well as a new game+ mode to make playing through more than once appealing.  The two things that really make this game standout, though, are its music and its narration.  The soundtrack was composed by Darren Korb and fits the game absolutely perfectly (you can check it out here; and really you should since it's pretty great) and Logan Cunningham does a phenomenal job with the over three thousand lines of narration, not all of which you'd even hear on your first play-through.  You can check that out in Bastion's game trailers, which you can find here.

So, if this sounds like something you'd like to play, you can purchase Bastion for the PC (Steam has it for $14.99 regularly though at the moment I'm writing this it's on sale for $3.74), Mac for $18.99, or Xbox 360 for 1,200 Microsoft points.  I definitely recommend it and I look forward to seeing what Supergiant comes up with next.

Psychonauts

Several weeks ago, I was fortunate enough to take advantage of the latest Humble Indie Bundle which featured a whole lot of fantastic independent games.  One of those games was Psychonauts, made by Double Fine, which I think might actually be one of the best games I've ever played. 

Psychonauts is an action-adventure platformer game in which you control Raz, a young psychic who's run away from home (which happens to be the circus) to sneak into a summer camp that trains other young psychics.  Throughout the game Raz gains different psychic abilities, such as pyrokinesis, levitation, and invisibility, and goes inside the minds of several other characters.  Each of these mental worlds is very unique.  I think my favorite one of these was Lungfishopolis, an homage to giant-monster movies like Godzilla.

The main thing that really stands out to me about this game is the amount of detail and care that went into it.  All of the dialog is completely voice acted, and voice acted well (which is definitely not always the case in games) and even minor characters have interesting personalities and backgrounds.  In addition, some of the powers you gain are usable on other characters and pretty much all of them have different reactions.  Plus, it looks fantastic.

Raar!  I am the mighty Goggalor!

Oh, hi there, Linda!

It's challenging, too.  Especially if you're looking to get all the collectible things in the game.  For the most part, though, it's not too hard.  At least until you get to the Meat Circus.

Yup, it's exactly what it sounds like.

Though from what I understand, the version I have is actually easier than the original release was, for which I am grateful.  Cuz yeah, that Meat Circus is a giant pain.  It would also probably have been easier if I'd used a game controller rather than the keyboard and mouse to play. 

Really, the only thing I don't like about this game is that there isn't a sequel.  There's been fairly recent talk about one, but who knows if or when it'll actually happen.  In the meantime, though, Double Fine had a ridiculously successful Kickstarter campaign to fund a new adventure game, so at least I have that to be incredibly excited about.

If you're at all interested in getting Psychonauts, you can buy it from Steam (for the PC or Mac) or GOG (PC) for $9.99 and for the XBox 360 for 800 Microsoft points.

Immobility

It's summer.  Since I live in southeastern Virginia, that means it's about 5,000 degrees with 100% humidity all day, every day for the next few months.  As a result of this and my apartment not having any central air conditioning, I'm a little bit reluctant to spend any more time in my un-air-conditioned kitchen than is absolutely necessary.  So, less baking, more reviewing things that happen to catch my attention!

One such attention-catching thing is Brian Evenson's book, Immobility.  It's a post-apocalyptic novel set in an unspecified time in the future.  Josef Horkai is woken up from cryogenic storage to find that he's paralyzed from the waist down and has no memory of his past.  The one who revives him tells him that he's needed to go on a mission to retrieve something that was stolen and he's sent out into the wasteland with two "mules" (two identical men in hazard suits) to carry him to where the object is and back again.  During this mission, Horkai struggles to make sense of his situation and understand just who he is and who he can trust.

I really liked this book.  Post-apocalyptic stories usually strike me as interesting and I was not disappointed with this novel.  It's a quick read (253 pages) and is tightly focused.  The novel lacks a lot of world-building details, such as just how the world ended up an irradiated wasteland, among other things, but those details aren't really important to the story, which is focused on Horkai's inner struggles.  And like many books with this kind of setting, it wasn't exactly a cheerful read (though I was no where near as depressed as I was when I finished reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy).  So, if you like these kinds of stories I definitely recommend giving this book a read!

Maple!

Do you ever find yourself in possession of too much maple syrup?

Ah, no.  That doesn't count as "too much".

You just can't possibly make any more pancakes, french toast, or waffles?

Getting closer, but still not there.

It's not like it's going to go bad, but you feel like you really ought to do something with it?

Theeeere we go.  What "too much" officially looks like.

Never fear!  I'm here to help!  Perhaps the simplest thing you can do with your overabundance of maple syrup is to turn it into maple cream.  All you need to do is boil it.  I also recommend you get yourself a candy thermometer. 

Start out by pouring a couple cups of syrup into a big pot.  Don't fill your pot more than halfway.  I really can't stress that enough.  You'll see why in a bit.

Even this was pushing it.

Turn your heat onto medium-low heat and let it do its thing.  But keep your eye on it!

Oh don't mind me; I'm just innocently bubbling away!

Eventually, it'll really get going.  This is fine, just keep your eye on it!

Bubblebubblebubblebubblebubblebubblebubble...

Turn your back for even an instant, though, and you'll regret it!

BBBBUUUUBBBBBBLLLLLEEEE!!!

If you can, try to avoid having your pot look like this last picture.  Try to get the syrup to 235 degrees and then turn off the heat.  If you end up getting the syrup too hot, it'll still be ok, and I'll go into that in a bit.

Leave your super duper hot syrup alone until the temperature cools down a bit.  It doesn't really matter just how much, just enough so that you aren't worried about burning yourself horribly when we start this next fun part: stirring the bejeebus out of it.

I'm sure this isn't going to get incredibly old incredibly fast.

See how it's about the same color as when it went into the pot, only opaque?  Well, keep on stirring and eventually it'll get lighter.

Still not done, though.

If you're like me, you'll decide pretty soon you've had enough of this "stirring by hand" crap and break out the beaters.  Go ahead!  It works like a charm!

Hurray for modern technology!

And...that's it, really.  Once it's all nice and light in color and thickened, you're done.  Just pour it into some kind of container(s), and you're finished! 

I said earlier that if you ended up boiling it to a higher temperature than 235 degrees, that it would still be ok.  That's true, except now instead of maple cream, you'll have maple candy.  The only real difference is that the maple cream is spreadable and the maple candy is definitely not.  Either way, now you've got yourself some delicious concentrated sugar!  Enjoy!

Scones

Maybe I've just been watching too many UK tv shows lately, what with going to a friend's house to watch an episode of Torchwood every week and getting caught up with new episodes of Sherlock, but I've found myself having a real hankering for scones lately.  A week ago I made some really tasty cherry almond ones using dried cherries and today I decided to try my hand at apple scones.  To make them, you'll need: 2 C flour, 1/2 tsp salt, 2 tsp baking powder, 3 tbsp sugar, 5 tbsp cold butter, 1 egg, 1/2 C heavy cream, plus some to brush on the scones before baking, two apples, another couple tbsp sugar and about a tbsp cinnamon.

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.  Peel and core your apples and chop them into little bits and sprinkle about 2 tablespoons of sugar and a tablespoon of cinnamon on them, stirring to coat them.  Set them aside.

Maybe eat just a few, to make sure they're good

In a large bowl, mix together the flour, salt, baking powder, and 2 tablespoons of sugar.  Using a pastry blender, or your fingers, cut in the butter.  Now stir in the egg and the 1/2 cup of cream. 

It should look kind of like this now

On a floured surface, dump out the dough and toss the apples on top. 

Huh.  Maybe I went overboard on the apples again

Now you're going to knead the apples into the dough.  Only knead it enough to get the apples all mixed in; don't overdo it--you don't want these to end up getting tough.  At this point it occurred to me there might be a very good reason my original recipe used dried fruit rather than fresh.  Fresh fruit is somewhat...moister than the dried stuff and makes for a distressingly sticky dough.  Well, nothing to do now except soldier on!  Once you're done kneading the dough, form it into a disc about 3/4 of an inch thick or so.

I'm sure this will turn out fine

 Now cut this into eight wedges.  Using a pasty brush, brush the tops of your scones with cream and then sprinkle the remaining tablespoon of sugar on top.

Definitely fine

Put the scones on a baking sheet and bake them for about 10 minutes, or until they're golden brown.  Let them cool on a rack for a couple minutes and they'll be ready for eating!

I knew they'd turn out fine

These are supposed to be eaten the same day you make them, but I, for one, don't have it in me to eat eight scones a day.  I've found, however, that if you just put them in the toaster oven for a few minutes, they'll be almost as good for the next couple of days.  This is also a pretty versatile recipe; you can put pretty much anything you want in the scones and that'll keep you from getting sick of them too quickly.  You can use all kinds of different sweet things, like other fruit or chocolate, or you could put cheese in them instead (though I'd leave out the sugar in that case, if I were you).  Just have fun experimenting!  And, because I can, here's a picture of my cherry almond scones (which were made with 1/2 C dried cherries and 1/2 C sliced almonds):

Peanut Butter Cookies

I believe I mentioned recently how great peanut butter and chocolate are together.  Well, you're getting more of that today.  To make these cookies you'll need: 1 1/4 C flour, 3/4 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp salt, 1/2 C shortening, 1/2 C peanut butter, 1/2 C sugar, 1/2 C brown sugar, and 1 egg.  Optionally, you might also want as many Hershey kisses as there are cookies, or, if you don't have any Hershey kisses and don't feel like making a special trip to the grocery store, you might instead use about a 1/2 C each of milk chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and chopped up peanut butter cups (or whatever else happened to be in the pantry at the time).

Preheat your oven to 375.  In a medium bowl, mix together your flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt and set it aside.  In a large bowl, cream together the shortening and peanut butter until it's smooth.  It'll look rather like a slightly paler bowl of peanut butter.

Now mix in the sugars.  When you measure brown sugar, you're supposed to lightly pack it into the measuring cup.  As we all know, though, brown sugar is the most tasty of sugars, so feel free to pack it tightly.  And then maybe add an extra spoonful for good measure.  Mix in the egg.  Finally, stir in your flour mixture.  If you're using Hershey kisses, skip on ahead to what comes after the next picture.  Otherwise, stir in chips/peanut butter cups.  I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that you ought not to eat raw cookie dough.  That said, this cookie dough is delicious.  Don't you eat it, though.

Resist the temptation!

Now roll the cookie dough into little balls and put on a cookie sheet (I recommend using parchment paper) and into the oven!

Bake the for about 10-12 minutes, or until they're a lovely golden brown.  If you're using Hershey kisses in this recipe, you'll put one on the top of each cookie right after they come out of the oven.  Now just put the cookies on a rack and let them cool for a few minutes before you eat them all!

They were all gone 10 minutes later.